I'm not afraid of vampires. I'm not afraid of slime. I'm not afraid of monsters. or losing my last dime. I'm not afraid of alligators, tigers, bears or snakes. I'm not afraid of ghosts at night or cars that lose their brakes. But one thing really scares me. It makes me petrified. If it ever happens to me, I'll run away and hide. If it ever happens to me, I'll run away and hide. I'm not afraid of skeletons or crazy maniacs. I'm not afraid of hurricanes or alien attacks. I'm not afraid of scorpions or huge tarantulas. I'm not afraid of Frankenstein, King Kong or Dracula. But one thing really scares me. It makes me petrified. If I said I wasn't scared of this, then I would have lied. If I said I wasn't scared of this, then I would have lied. I'm not afraid of thunder bolts or lightning striking me. I'm not afraid of nightmares, tidal waves, or killer bees. I'm not afraid of anything deep down in the ocean. I'm not afraid of dragons, magic spells or witches' potions. But one thing really scares me. It makes me petrified. If it ever happened to me, I'd be mortified. If it ever happened to me, I'd be mortified. Sometimes I can't sleep at night. It keeps me wide awake. My hands get cold, my head gets hot. It even makes me shake! Shake! Shake! I'm not afraid of bullies. I'm not afraid of sharks. I'm not afraid of kisses. I'm not afraid of the dark. By now you're prob'ly wondering just what it is I fear. If I break down and tell you, please don't laugh or sneer. The thing that really scares me is frightening, like a trance. I'm afraid that if I laugh too hard, I just might wet my pants!

I was walkin' down the street, just a-shufflin' my feet, when something hit me from above. It coulda been from an eagle, a hawk or a seagull, a pelican, a pidgeon or a dove. Oh it really doesn't matter, 'cause when I felt it splatter, it nearly knocked me off of my feet. Coulda been a Canadian honker, my brain was going bonkers. I was staggering zigzag down the street. Ooh, ooh, dirty birdie poo. There's nothing you can do-do when a birdie bombs a poo-poo. It'll come a-flying like a missile out of space. You just better hope it's off a bit and doesn't hit your face. You just better hope it's off a bit and doesn't hit your face. When the birdies are a-soarin' and things start gettin' borin', they play their favorite game up in the sky. They target a poor human, then the bombers go a zoomin' and then they take their aim and let her fly-yi-yi. Ooh, ooh, dirty birdie poo. There's nothing you can do-do when a birdie bombs a poo-poo. It'll come a-flying like a missile out of space. You just better hope it's off a bit and doesn't hit your face. You just better hope it's off a bit and doesn't hit your face. They'll bomb old ladies in their 70's or 80's. They love to splatter bald guys too. But kids are the hardest of all the moving targets, yeah, they get extra points for nailing you. Ooh, ooh, dirty birdie poo. There's nothing you can do-do when a birdie bombs a poo-poo. It'll come a-flying like a missile out of space. You just better hope it's off a bit and doesn't hit your face. You just better hope it's off a bit and doesn't hit your face. I know this goofy guy who had frizzy red hair. He's a real unlucky fellow. He's been splattered thirteen times, oooh, with ooey gooey slime, and now his hair has turned a whitish yellow. Ooh, ooh, dirty birdie poo. There's nothing you can do-do when a birdie bombs a poo-poo. It'll come a-flying like a missile out of space. You just better hope it's off a bit and doesn't hit your face. You just better hope it's off a bit and doesn't hit your face. We'll all be getting splattered a time or two or three. There are millions of the bombers in the sky. But we're really, really lucky, 'cause it wouldn't be too ducky if elephants and pigs could fly!

Here's the deal; Everyone loves bubble gum. It's so much fun to chew. Everyone loves bubble gum. It's a crazy good thing to do-oo-oo. It's fun to blow big bubbles and pop 'em in someone's ear. But before you chew another piece, there's something you should hear. Where does yum yum bubble gum come from? Where does yum yum bubble gum come from? Where does yum yum bubble gum come from? Oh, believe me, you don't want to know. If you see a pink truck rolling down the street, well, you better watch out and you best be beating feet. If you hear a big screech and you hear a big skid, well, they probably just got themselves another poor kid. Where does yum yum bubble gum come from? Where does yum yum bubble gum come from? Where does yum yum bubble gum come from? Oh, believe me, you don't want to know. There's a great big old machine in the back of the truck, and the poor old kids they catch, oooh, they're really out of luck. If I tell you what they do to them, you'll scream and gasp and gulp. Oh, they roll 'em and they stretch 'em and they're turned to gooey pulp. Where does yum yum bubble gum come from? Where does yum yum bubble gum come from? Where does yum yum bubble gum come from? Oh, believe me, you don't want to know. Well, it's really, really gross and it makes me so sad, and it makes me really sick and it makes me mighty mad. 'Cause I've lost a couple friends, yeah, they used to be my chums. Now they're nothing but a wad of sticky, chewed up bubble gum. Where does yum yum bubble gum come from? Where does yum yum bubble gum come from? Where does yum yum bubble gum come from? Oh, believe me, you don't want to know. So you better be a watching for the rotten truck to come. If they get a hold of you, you'll be turned to gooey gum. If the truck is big and pink you better move it on the double, or in less than fifteen minutes you could be a great big bubble. Where does yum yum bubble gum come from? Where does yum yum bubble gum come from? Where does yum yum bubble gum come from? Oh, believe me, you don't want to know. Well, you know this little song isn't really quite true. It was just a sicko joke. I was only kidding you. 'Cause you know that bubble gum comes from the bubble gum tree-ee-ee. It's too sweet to be made from little brats like you and me.

My older brother picks on me. It's what he loves to do. I get noogies and wedgies and bunches of punches. I'm always black and blue. Last night I reached my limit. I couldn't take it anymore. I made a wish his face would be covered with warts and ugly sores. Well, just like that I heard him yell, and just like that I knew. Be careful what you wish for, 'cause it might (ha-ha-ha-ha) come true! Ya better be careful what you wish for, 'cause it might come true. You might have special powers and believe me, if you do, you can do some dangerous damage if you do not think it through. So be careful what you wish for 'cause it might (ha-ha-ha-ha) come true. I was sittin' at my desk at school, daydreaming of the beach. The whole class started laughing, and then I heard the teach. She ridiculed me loudly. Oh, she really made a scene. So, silently I made a wish that she'd turn pink and green. Well, just like that I heard her scream, and just like that I knew. Be careful what you wish for, 'cause it might (ha-ha-ha-ha) come true. Ya better be careful what you wish for, 'cause it might come true. You might have special powers and believe me, if you do, you can do some dangerous damage if you do not think it through. So be careful what you wish for 'cause it might (ha-ha-ha-ha) come true. I forgot to clean my room, and my Mom got really mad. She hollered and she yelled and screamed, and then I heard my Dad. He joined in with the scolding. I pretended not to hear. I had no choice. I made a wish that they would disappear. Well, just like that I heard a scream, and just like that I knew. Be careful what you wish for, 'cause it might (ha-ha-ha-ha) come true! Ya better be careful what you wish for, 'cause it might come true. You might have special powers and believe me, if you do, you can do some dangerous damage if you do not think it through. So be careful what you wish for 'cause it might (ha-ha-ha-ha) come true. I made a wish they'd all return to how they were before. Now everyone's afraid of me, and I'm no longer sore. My brother's really nice to me. I get straight A's at school. I get to keep my room a mess. Now everything is cool! I'm loving live every day, every minute, every hour. I'm kinda the king of everything because of all my power. So remember… Ya better be careful what you wish for, 'cause it might come true. You might have special powers and believe me, if you do, you can do some dangerous damage if you do not think it through. So be careful what you wish for 'cause it might (ha-ha-ha-ha) come true. Ya better be careful what you wish for, 'cause it might -- come -- true!

This is the whistle song, so whistle, whistle, whistle along. Whistle high and whistle low. Whistle wherever you may go. Whistle right or whistle wrong. Whistle short of whistle long. Whistle while you work or whistle while you play. Whistle, whistle, every day. Whistle while you're standin' on your head. Whistle while you're jumpin' on your bed. Whistle when you go outside to play. Whistle when you're havin' a super day! Whistle while you're grinning. Whistle while you're spinning. Whistle while you're high fiving. One time you shouldn't whistle is when you are scuba diving. But you can whistle in a funnel, whistle in a tunnel, whistle on a mountain top. Whistle while you're running, whistle while you're sunning, whistle while you hop. This is the whistle song. Whistle loud and whistle strong. Whistle in the morning, whistle at noon. Whistle at night under the moon.

There I was, just sitting in the cafeteria starin' at the stuff on my plate. It was mysterious. I don't know what it was, but I know it wasn't food. It was sickingly disgusting. It was absolutely crude. It was everything that I could possibly do not to vomit or regurgitate or barf or puke or spew! I asked a couple kids what it was. They said they couldn't tell. All I know is everyone was gaggin' from the smell. I yelled, "This is abusive. Man, they really must be joking." Every kid in the room was gasping and choking. This isn't fit for humans. I won't eat a single bite. And then the answer hit me… FOOD FIGHT! (FOOD FIGHT!) Food fight. Food fight. You've never seen a wilder or a crazier sight. I know there'll be a price we have to pay, but they shouldn't put this slimy garbage on our trays. I rolled some of the slime into a ball and put it on my spoon. I cocked my wrist and sent it flyin' across the room. She didn't see it coming 'til it wasted her face. She was madder than a hornet! Boy you should have seen the place. The cook, she went berserk, and in about a second's time the air was full of missiles made of greasy, grimy slime! Food fight. Food fight. You've never seen a wilder or a crazier sight. I know there'll be a price we have to pay, but they shouldn't put this slimy garbage on our trays. The cooks got their spatulas and mounted a counter attack. Slime was flying everywhere. Everyone was getting smacked. It was on the boys' faces. It was mixed up in their braces. The girls were covered head to toes. It was sticking to the ceiling, it was splattered on the walls, and some flew up the head cook's nose! Food fight. Food fight. You've never seen a wilder or a crazier sight. I knew there'll be a price we have to pay, but they shouldn't put this slimy garbage on our trays. We all kept a-firing. The cooks new they couldn't win. Then the doors banged open and the principal charged right in. He bellowed on his megaphone, "STOP IT ON THE DOUBLE!" We looked at each other. We knew we were in trouble. He picked a glob of slime up, he gave a wincing look, then he turned around and fired and he nailed the cook! Food fight. Food fight. You've never seen a wilder or a crazier sight. Luckily there wasn't any price we had to pay, and the principal's our hero to this very day! Yeah, the principal's our hero. He saved -- the -- day!

R -- E -- V -- E -- N -- G --E What does that spell? Revenge! Mama says she loves me. Mama says she needs me. Mama says I'm so sweet (so sweet). Daddy says he loves me.Daddy says he needs me. Daddy says I'm so neat (so neat). But my brothers always pick on me. They torture and they tickle me. They're masters of the wedgie, it's true (so true). They think they're funny comics when they give me those atomics. Those atomic wedgies make me puke. (BLEH!) Wedgies, wedgies. I can't take 'em anymore. Wedgies, wedgies! I've had it, now I declare war! Tonight at twelve o'clock, boy, things are gonna rock. Gonna sneak into their rooms -- they're dead! (so dead!) Gonna have a little funsy. Gonna grab 'em by their undies, gonna yank 'em up over their heads. Wedgies, wedgies. I can't take 'em anymore. Wedgies, wedgies! I've had it, now I declare war! When their eyes are buggin' out, and they're screamin' and they're shoutin', and the pain has knocked 'em down to their knees, then I'm sure I won't resist, I'll give another yank and twist! I'll make 'em both beg, "Please, please!" Wedgies, wedgies. I can't take 'em anymore. Wedgies, wedgies! I've had it, now I declare war! Every single night and every single day, I think about my sweet revenge. Tonight they're gonna pay! Oh, I really hate those wedgies, yeah, they drive me to the edgie. They drive me right out of my mind. Ya see, I've thought about leavin' but instead I'm gettin' even! Tonight I'm gonna have a good time! Wedgies, wedgies. I can't take 'em anymore. Wedgies, wedgies! I've had it, now I declare war! Mama says she loves me. Mama says she needs me. Mama says I'm so sweet (so sweet). Daddy says he loves me.Daddy says he needs me. Daddy says I'm so neat (so neat). But my brothers always pick on me. They torture and they tickle me. They're masters of the wedgie, it's true (so true). But tonight I'll be the comic and I'll give 'em their atomics. Those atomic wedgies make me puke. (BLEEEH!) Wedgies, wedgies. I can't take 'em anymore. Wedgies, wedgies! I've had it, now I declare war! And tomorrow they're gonna be sore! Ha ha ha! They got it comin'!

One night not too long ago, I heard noises underneath my bed. Instead of gettin' all freaked out I chuckled and I kept my head. I said, "Hey, Mister Boogeyman, is that you?" He didn't answer, so I yelled, "BOO!" I didn't scream. I didn't cry. No, I looked the Boogeyman in the eye. Hey, "Boogeyman, Boogeyman, whatcha gonna do? I'm not afraid of you-you-you. Boogeyman, Boogeyman, whatcha gonna do? I'm not afraid of you. No way, I'm not afraid of you." The Boogeyman said, "This isn't right. Here it is, the middle of the night. You should be frightened out of your wits. You should be screamin' and havin' a fit!" I said, "I'm not gonna yell, Mister Boogeyman, and I'm not gonna whine. I won't shout and I won't pout. I won't go out of my mind. But now I have to figure out just what I'm gonna do. Oh, what am I gonna, what am I gonna, what am I gonna do with you?" Hey, "Boogeyman, Boogeyman, whatcha gonna do? I'm not afraid of you-you-you. Boogeyman, Boogeyman, whatcha gonna do? I'm not afraid of you. No way, I'm not afraid of you." The Boogeyman just stared at me. I could tell he was confused. He asked, "Why aren't you scared of me? This is really, really, really bad news!" Then I saw a couple tears a-rolling down his face. He cried, "I'm a crummy Boogeyman. I'm just a big disgrace. Everyone'll be makin' fun of me every single day. They'll mock and joke and point and poke. I won't know what to say." I smiled, "Boogeyman, Boogeyman, don't you cry. Everything will be alright. I won't tell a single soul. Nobody will ever know." Then he asked, "Can we be friends? Can I play games with you?" I said, "Okay." So every night that's just what we do. Scrabble, Checkers, video games, cards and Monopoly. It doesn't matter what we play, the Boogeyman can't beat me. So I sing, "Boogeyman, Boogeyman, whatcha gonna do? You can't beat me. I won't let you. Boogeyman, Boogeyman, whatcha gonna do? I'm gonna beat you. Oh, yeah, I'm gonna beat you." But I really must confess that every once in a while, I let the Boogeyman win a game, just to see him smile.